Relato deveras ilustrativo e quiçá pormenorizado de uma estadia de exactamente 9 meses, 16 dias, 6 horas, 56 minutos e um número sem dúvida interessante de segundos e seus submúltiplos nos arredores da bela cidade de Platteville do 30º estado dos pequenos e nada importantes para a economia mundial Estados Unidos da América - Wisconsin - com recurso às mais diversas ferramentas de informação, comunicação e tal, de modo a transmitir, informar acerca de, comunicar, contar, dar a conhecer (e outros sinónimos destes últimos), da melhor forma possível e sem cometer falácias que prejudiquem a inteligibilidade do texto, as peripécias de um jovem português exilado num programa de intercâmbio cultural.

ou (traduzido por miúdos)


ou ainda (traduzido por miudinhos mesmo mesmo piquenos)

O meu (espantástico) ano nos EUA!!

quinta-feira, 20 de outubro de 2011

I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, I'm....

I'm later than that obsessive-compulsive Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland...and that is difficult...!

I haven't even told you anything about the Homecoming Dance yet...!

So, let's ust skip the intro and just get right to the point.

As I was telling you, on Saturday (the 8th...uf...) I had to wake up at 5 because I had a Cross Country meet at Albany. After a very nice sleeping trip - and yes, I was (kind of) ready when the guy came to pick me up at home - we got there and this time JV (Junior Varsity, my category - Varsity is only the Top 7 runners) ran first so we almost immediately started warming up (and I did it too...! In the Platteville Invitational they didn't know where I was and just started it without me...and I had to do it all by myself...snif, snif...). The race didn't go very well... I didn't PR, I started the kick too late and my knee misbehaved...a lot...but it's ok...some days are better than others. It was a tough course anyway and I still got close to the guy that is always in front of me, which is good. 

When our race was over we got to see some beast running...and with beasts I don't mean bulls or giant horses...I mean crazy blond people who finish 400m ahead of every one else...God was inspired on their birthday... 

Well to help me forget my sadness (:p), I received some very good I told you already: I got one of the main parts in the musical...! But I'll explore that later on... And more, our CC team won 2nd place in JV Boys, Varsity Girls and Varsity Boys, which was pretty good...! 

We got back home at about 3 o'clock and some friends were picking me up for the Homecoming Dance at 6...and I was sooooooo tired... I tried to rest as much as I could but people were always asking me to do stuff and then I talked to my dear old folks and...well, eventually I didn't rest anything, I...let's say...prevented my knee from hurting during the rest of the day and (as any decent guy) I got dressed in about 20 minutes - and only because I couldn't find my tie...! How did I look? If I put pictures, you would know, right? In the meantime just go to Facebook. I love you too.

So, Emma Cleveland and Arianna picked me up and we headed to a place called Katie's Garden, where my unnamed date was waiting, along with the rest of out group. There we took some (and this is an understatement...) pictures - in many of which I seemed like I was in a highly advanced stage of psychotropic substances intoxication, but let's not talk about that... Some people are photogenic...I have other virtues... - and afterwards we left and went to a place named Steve's Pizza. We waited for centuries (and I had to answer this ton of nice questions about things we have and don't have in "Yes, we have running water" "No, of course we don't use oil lamps...!" etc.) until the guy decided to ask us if we were waiting...Emma said her name and he said: "Oh, your table has been ready for more than an hour...! I don't know why my colleague didn't call you..."...Sure, this is so normal, Mr. Whatever Your Name Is... The owners were Greek...! I expected more...harmony... in the service... but I guess they left it in Antiquity... Anyway, when we finally got seated, Stephanie and I asked for some chicken strips (other people asked for other stuff) and the pizza was to be divided by all of us so we didn't get to say anyhting about that. While we were waiting I showed everyone some Portuguese music using someone's DumbPhone - the stupid thing didn't let me use YouTube normally... - and of course they all liked it...! And I didn't even have to threaten them not to speak to them again! It was unbelievable! Then, eventually, we got our food...but the girls who asked for the pizza, asked for an XL for all FOURTEEN  of us...thank God I asked for the Yes, I forgot to mention but, for those of you who haven't seen me in a long time, I am now 6'1'' tall and weigh 158 pounds (Yes!! Finally I found a good chance to show my recently-acquired knowledge of the English system aha)... I was so hungry... How was I supposed to dance with no sugar in my bloodstream...?? And worse...! I turned my back for a moment to do something and when I looked again, my date (by now you probably know her name...) had paid part of our dinner and I was like..."C'mon...!"...but the other girls didn't help me and that was the first awkward thing of that evening...the second one was a guy being driven by his date to the, it should be the oher way around but obviously it couldn't be never again (until Prom, of course aha).

The Dance itself was great! Everyone said it was the best Homecoming Dance ever...don't wanna be cocky but they had never had a Portuguese guy before,'s pretty obvious...ehe. The Portuguese know how to party...!

My knee didn't bother me so I could dance whatever I wanted to, and I did. Not quite the music we dance to in Portugal, but cool, too. Again "Don't Stop Believing", a really nice Irish-like song (Borges, this one was for you :D ) and some other good stuff. The problem was...Grinding...absolutely disgusting...and lines and lines of people rubbing against each other...if you want to know the definition just google's too rude to say here... I even wrote a sarcastic Ode to it, that I sent to the a Creative Writing Festival today...! But it's really a horrible thing... Anyway, not everyone danced like that and in a specific song, I, with the only intention of joking around, did a little bit of what all of you guys are pro's in: Tectonic. And my friends were like: "WOW! That's great...!" and so now they made me say I would learn some more of it and do it in Prom...Conclusion: I'm doomed...

The night ended up OK, with the announcement of the King and Queen of the Dance and some more pictures...whatever...just take them...right guys? We can't really do anything about it ehe. The Queen (Cagla Muslu) is in Cross Country with me and sure enough every single time I walk passed her, I bow and I say "Long Live The Queen"...! (and afterwards watch her get all blushed, run after me and try to kill me :p).

Mateo and I got home late and the next day...Mass at 9 a.m. But what a man's gotta do, a man's gotta do. And the next morning there I went to hear that nice imperceptible Spanish priest talking... The day was kind of calm...lots of homework, as usual... And the Bears played their rivals - the Packers - and lost...and whatever...SLB rules and go Soccer! :p

Last week, was very tiring...Chemistry test, Biology test, Pre-Calc Test, English test, Cross Country practices and meet, POE Hydrogen Fuel Cell Project, first rehearsals for the Musical, Soccer in Team Sports class...etc. etc. etc. The tests went pretty good actually. So far, easy enough (most things I learned already back home).

On Monday, we had our first rehearsal for the Musical. It is called "All Shook Up" and it features Elvis Presley's songs. It is going to be awesome! I am Dean ( a boy from the military school) in love with Lorraine (a girl whose mom owns a soda shop) and so of course we can't be together (awww...:p)). Can't give you anymore details except that (for those of you who understand music) I will have to sing a high B in a solo...Good Lord... Anyway, we started with a dance rehearsal (oh and I discovered the coreographer is the father of my lover in the not very good...eheh) and the dancing part is so cool but so difficult...I'll do it..eventually...I think... The choir part is not very easy either..the play is very choral and the critics who saw the school's Musical last year (yes, there is something like the Oscar's called the Tommy Awards for high school musical's and there are guys watching our show and then making a report about it and possibly then giving awards) said they had a problem with the choir's gonna be tough this year. I'll keep you up to date :). (and there is going to be a Playbook with our Bios' and, as I thought it would be too boring and I had Mrs. Armstrong - the teacher -' s authorization, I tried to do the most hilarious ever aha. Let's see what she thinks...)

Tuesday was an awful day - I'm just gonna ignore it. :)

Wednesday, on the contrary, was a great day...! And why? Because (and just because) classes finished at 12:40!'s so good to go home earlier... I'll explain: I dont really get why, but the fisrt Wednesday of each month is an Early-Release Day, so some classes switch places and they are all only one half-hour long, so that all is finished (uh..this sounded biblical...! ehe) just a little bit before one o'clock. And to take advantage of this day what could be better than...wait for!! Such a wonderful thing! But not just eat anything! Eat popcorn! That's right! Joy and Juanita took Mateo and I to eat special popcorn - with all the flavours you can possibly imagine...and they were sooo tasty...I miss them really... Mateo bought one of the cheesy ones and I got the Badgers ones (Cinnamon and Vanilla)... And it was so hard to choose that I even got late to the CC practice afterwards...but all for a good reason so it's ok ;). That night we had a Spaghetti Supper at Nate Shreck's house: what an amazing house he has...All made of wood, next to a big river, a weight room inside, a giant TV (where we watched "300") and a hot tub outside...And that was the good part ehe - some of us asked him for trunks and got felt so nice... :)

On Thursday, I had my last Cross Country meet... Southwest Wisconsin Conference...! It was an awesome meet in Dodgeville. As a team we were 2nd both in girls and boys and I... improved my PR again and finished    in front of like 5 guys of whom I am usually behind...! Luckily, my knee didn't hurt during the whole race but afterwards...well, I had to walk on one leg only...or else, jump on one leg only... The award cerimony was kind of weird... Everyone was too cold to clap or do anything else but eat the enormous amount of cheese bars (which are very good, by the way - we don't really have that in Portugal, do we?) and pretzels...lots and lots and lots of pretzels...with shapes...aaahhh...! (Homer moment lol).

Dodgeville is near by so we only took about 35 minutes back and when we got to the school I went to the Gym to watch the Volleyball Conference game, against Lancaster. I didn't stay long because I had rehearsal for the musical but, although it was very tough game, our girls won...!

The day after, I had one more Mistery Run on CC, that of course didn't go very well because of my knee and at night we went to another Conference game - this time Football. As the girls, they played Lancaster but...they didn't do that good... Well, let's be honest...they were completely slaughtered... We cheered the whole game and we felt kind of sorry for them...these two teams were the only two undefeated teams...the game even went on Fox Sports News...! Anyway, the after-game was fun! Because Mateo and I went for the first time to Dairy Queen...(fast food, basically)! We waited a long time for some friends in this other friend's house and when we finally got there...I called my Host Mom and...we only had 30 minutes to be back of my sisters, her husband and her 3 kids were coming and we had to move to the basement because they were going to our room..and there was A LOT to do...not because the bedroom was untidy...! Nooo...! What are you thinking?? No, never. But, as I was saying, we only had half an hour so I asked for some fries and a Sunday with peanut butter and caramel (yhummy...!) and Mateo (remember we were in a hurry...) asked for a...burger...luckily the fast food was literally fast so we got home one minute before our deadline...50 mph...and I'm not gonna say anything else... Eventually, we moved everything we needed and slept in air matresses in the basement...while we were watching a movie, the "guests" arrived...we didn't yet know what was to come...

And I think that's all...finally.. Oh, no, that's right...! I almost forgot something veeeeeery important! This week we started playing Soccer in Team Sports won't believe this...I am the best player...yes, I, that guy whose only talent in Soccer is...none, am the best player... Who would say, huh? It's true that Soccer is not (at all) a big sport here Sure?? Yeah, I'm serious...Oh and you don't even imagine the freaking-out when I scored a goal with my head...! (pretty sure it was a close reaction to the one that certainly happened with this one ... pretty sure...ehe). Even Mr. Serres (the teacher) refers to me as "The Best Player"... Finally, my dream came true... Other masterpieces of soccer playing like Niccòlo Mazetti di Pietralata, Tomás Borges, Teacher Marcelão and...Gonçalo Sassetti (:p) should come here and experience for the first time the value of their great talent in this sport.

For a quick meditation I leave you with my Ode to Grinding

O amazing dance, how much you thrill me.

Since the first time I saw you I knew you would settle deep in my subconscious forever.

In my subconscious, yes: how many nightmares have I had with you o stunning form of…expression!

I can no longer be sure what I love the most: you or the extraordinary complexity and dreadful motionless beauty of minimal music…

O you that conceal the true identity of our beloved society, with its orgiastic ideals and concepts…

O you that manage to put rudeness in a simple dictionary whose only purpose is to define you.

O you indefinable…thing.

How can they call you dancing when you are just like the Washington Monument! He looks nothing like the guy…

Who wants to dance when they can grind...! Who wants to move around when they can simply rub against other people in this gigantic and sweaty line of disgustingness.

Thank you, o mighty modern man’s invention, for all that you take away from us, for ruining our dignity and decency.

For you are the most terrible thing I have ever seen. Thank you Grinding, for the dirtiness you brought before my eyes and that, unfortunately, I shall never forget.

Liked it? I hope so... I still haven't uploaded the pictures I know but you have to belive someday I will... And going back to Alice: "The only way to achieve the impossible is to believe that it is possible" ehe

P.S. - (You can now say "Off with his head" :p)

8 comentários:

  1. Um dos posts mais engraçados! Boa!
    Bjs e... muitas saudades!!

  2. Este comentário foi removido por um gestor do blogue.

  3. Concordo! Fantástico! Grande Tomás! Espero que ganhes o prémio do Creative Writing Festival. Boa sorte!
    E para quote do day..."Quem espera sempre alcança"...o novo post do Tomás!!!!
    Beijos 'muita grandes!!!!! And go for it!

  4. Que dias tão (bem) preenchidos! Ufa!! Quando voltares vai ser o bom e o bonito! Vais pôr o La Féria e o Paulo Bento à guerra por causa dos teus talentos.Beijinhos

  5. Wow, you can really, really write--- a lot! You are so busy; I don't know how you get everything done---and still have the time to talk and write about it, too.

  6. Teresa Allen Silveira28 de outubro de 2011 às 14:59

    Oh meu deus, e tao verdade! Eles a dançar parecem cada coisa... Eu nem queria acreditar... Mas pronto, tb nao podem fazer mto mais senao ir aos school dances, até se percebe...
    Estou a adorar ler os teus posts, continuaa!